Shut Up, Little Man!

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The following are examples of obsessive and beloved fans who felt compelled to write or e-mail the liquored up moderator at Shut Up Little Man central. You too can write us via the contact page.

Dear Eddie Lee Sausage: This year my roommate, the asshole motherfucker, and I decided that for a Halloween party we were really going to do it this year - we were going to dress up like the most frightening characters we could think of - Peter and Raymond! Previously, we had dressed up like queer cocksuckers (Boy George, Liberace, etc.), but not this year. So, my roommate Tom dressed up like Peter and I went as Ray. Tom wore a checked shirt and put on a fake moustache and got some blue broccoli bands for cockrings and put them on his wrist. He also got a big bottle of vodka that he marked on the side with a Sharpie. I put on some 'slobby' work clothes, a pair of heavy rim black glasses, and carried around a giant stuffed rabbit to whom I referred all night as 'the girl.' To really get into the part (you know, the Little Man Method Acting School), we had dinner together - chilled lettuce salad (“a cool dinner”) and corned beef hash (“that slop”). Of course, we drink both the wine and the vodka, doing lines from the CD the entire time we ate, drink, and walked to the Halloween party. Needless to say, we had a fuckin' blast. There were some people at the party (a Rick James guy and a Dolly Parton) that knew who we were - mostly because we spoke only lines from the Shut Up Little Man CD all night - we didn't allow ourselves to say anything that was not said on the recordings. But, also, the Dolly Parton woman knew about 'the girl' and that tipped her off from across the room. Anyway, it was a fuckin' good time.

I guess I should add that we got extremely drunk, much more than usual. I am not embarrassed to see that I even puked later that night (keeping in character with Raymond), but unfortunately I didn't get any on myself.

Thanks for the good times, Mr. Sausage, now shut your fuckin' mouth!

Ryan Belvedere

(Most recent letters appear first.)