Shut Up, Little Man!

Some Notes Toward a History of Shut Up, Little Man!

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“Giggle All You Want To!” — WRIF and the Pressing Plant Revolt

The legendary Drew and Mike from the self-named “Drew and Mike” morning radio show on WRIF in Detroit Rock City became really big fans of Shut Up Little Man in 1998. Drew and Mike didn't treat the gospel of Peter and Raymond like some ephemeral piece of silly trivia or a Good Morning America “wacky-story-of-the-day,” Drew and Mike heard Peter and Raymond, and they SAW THE LIGHT, brothers and sisters. They were converted and became frothing fanatics, just like me and you. They ate Peter and Raymond for breakfast. And, because Drew and Mike have a very large and loyal following for their morning show, they shared that breakfast with hundreds of thousands of saggy-eyed commuters almost every single weekday.

Someone had brought Peter and Raymond’s rants to Drew and Mike’s attention, and so they wrote to me, asking for a free promo copy of the CD. I replied with the following letter:

Dear Mike and Drew:

Greetings, fellow pieces of shit! Enclosed is a Shut Up Little Man CD for your listening displeasure and the brand new Shut Up Little Man Comic Book fresh and stinking off the presses. I hope that your radio show is distasteful enough to find some use for the audio misadventures of Peter and Raymond. I also enclosed a few pieces of news print on the phenomenon.

I appreciate your interest in Shut Up Little Man. Any exposure on the air would be great. From what seems evident from the other morning shows that have been playing the CD the last few months: if you do air any clips, because the material is so charged, you will be receiving phone calls. To preempt the usual mayhem about where to go to buy the CD, you should let people know to go to Google and type in "Shut Up Little Man".

If you want to interview me, you can call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. I live in Seattle -- when I am not in jail or hanging naked from chandeliers -- so please be thoughtful and not call me at 4:30 AM Pacific Standard Time like some other inconsiderate sons-of-bitches have.

Anyway, enough bullshit.
Your pal,
The skinny cocksucker next door (as Ray used to call me), Eddie Lee Sausage

So, when Drew and Mike began to play Shut Up Little Man snippets on their popular drive-time radio show, their fans became Shut Up Little Man fans. The gospel spread. Of course, the daily dose of radio Pete and Ray happened about 10 days after we had sold out of inventory of SULM CDs. So, one morning I awakened to find that in a single day over 100 people had ordered Shut Up Little Man CDs from the Detroit area alone, and I had none to send. I called up the CD duplication company and placed an order for another pressing. The CD duplicator said that it would take no more than 3 weeks. Even though shipping the CDs only usually takes 1 week, I have always placed a disclaimer on any Shut Up Little Man advertising and the website to “please allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery,” just to be on the safe side. So, in this case, I thought I was covered. A few weeks later, right about the time I was expecting the finished product to arrive on my doorstep, I received a phone call from a rather sheepish and embarrassed sounding representative from the CD duplication company. “Mr. Sausage?” the rep began: “Uh, I am very sorry to report this to you, but we can’t reproduce the Little Man CD for you.” I said: “Excuse me? I have been waiting for weeks already. I thought the CDs would be here any day now!” The rep continued: “Well, it seems that there was a lot of controversy at the pressing plant about the content of Shut Up Little Man. In fact, there was an uprising. You see, our pressing plant is deep in the Bible belt, and after someone at the plant listened to the savage cursing and all the talk about 'queers' on the Shut Up Little Man, the word got around, and well, the fundamentalist Christian machinists are refusing to press or package your CD.” I was speechless, a little bemused, and also very concerned about keeping the good fans of Detroit their goods. I blurted out: “What? Are you kidding me?” The rep continued: “I am not kidding, and I am really sorry. I can tell you that Raymond has at least one fan at the record plant.” I asked: “How's that?” The CD duplicator replied: “One of the workers told me personally that he agreed with the feller that wanted to kill all the queers.”

In its own right this pressing plant 'uprising' was absurd and a little hilarious on the one hand. On the other hand the absurdity was superseded by the fact that I had over 400 orders waiting from Detroit alone, and so this situation was also downright troubling and inconvenient, because we here at Shut Up Little Man central always do our upright best to keep the frothing fans happy and giggling (even if they are 'always giggling falsely'). Eventually, soon thereafter, we switched companies, and some apparently pagan duplication plant agreed to press the thing. Drew and Mike from WRIF called up in February of 1999 and we did a relatively lively on-line radio interview. The interview took place at 5 AM Pacific Time, so I prepared: I made sure that I was good and hungover. The interview opened with me telling them that I was eating Froot Loops soaked in Vodka for breakfast. Soon enough, the CDs arrived, all the CD orders were finally filled, WRIF was blasting Peter and Raymond every morning for months on end, and the Great Motor City mornings were enlivened by vitriolic exchanges of the dirty little man and the queer cocksucker. Life was good.