Shut Up, Little Man!

The Afterlife with Raymond and Peter : Stories and anecdotes : Shut Up, Little Man!

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The Afterlife with Raymond and Peter —

Devil: "Peter, why don’t you retire to your room. You have had a long hard day. You have the rest of eternity to chat with your old buddy here." Ray [to the devil]: "Go ahead and talk to him, if you want to. He ain’t a human bein.’"
Devil and Peter: "Shut Up Little Man."

Peter retired to his room. He rested on the bed [of nails] and looked around his new quarters. "Hmmm. Hell isn’t so bad. I have spent worse nights in the stony lonesome."

It became evident that he had to share his room with someone else. "Well, it looks like I have a roommate. Maybe it’s that cute guy from the bar."

Later, his roommate arrived. Ray walked into the room a bit tipsy.

Peter: "Well, if it isn’t Sally June Abigail May. Good evening, darling."
Ray: "Don’t call me darling, you punk cocksucker!"
Peter: "Uh, you have drunk the wine coolers. . . and you are drunk."
Ray: "I am not. (He falls down). Sheeeeeeit."

Ray slid up onto his bed across from Peter.
Ray: "I don’t like you Peter Haskett. And, I don’t believe I have to share this room with a dog like you. I despise you!"
Peter: "You already said that ninety times, sweet prince."
Ray: "Good. Then, shut your fuckin mouth!"
Peter: "Shut up, little man!"
Ray: "You shut up!"
Peter: "Then, do it!" and on and on. . .

Some days later:
Peter: "Do not talk. You say the Devil asked why you don’t talk back to me, I will tell you why you don’t talk back to me, because you’re such a little fool."
Ray: "Would you mind shuttin’ your fuckin’ mouth!"

The devil arrived [holding his head in obvious frustration]: "People can hear you clear to the other side of Hell. You have to shut up!" Peter: "He’s the one who is creating the problem."
The devil: "You’re the one with the big mouth."
Peter [to the devil, pointing at his trident pitchfork]: "You wanna stick with me with that fork?"

The devil: "Ray, I need to have a word with you outside." Ray stepped outside.
The devil: "Say, Ray, I’ll get you a bottle of vodka, if you just keep it down for a few days. You guys are giving me a tremendous headache."

Ray returned to the room fifteen minutes later: "You know what that sum bitch said. He said ’If I have to come back, I’ll set your hair on fire.’ I said: ’Fine! I got too much hair anyway. Let’s do it right now.’"
Peter: "Ray, you are a real big sister. Excuse me, little sister, when it comes down to something like this. You mule at the devil, and that’s why I get in trouble, you can’t talk up to anyone."

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